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E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram, David King,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
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PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 150.


March 22, 1916.


[pg 193]

"How is it you're not at the Front, young man?

"'Cause these ain't no milk at that end, mum."


CHARIVARIA.

Portugal is now officially at warwith Germany, and the dogs of frightfulnessare already toasting "der Tagus."


At first the report that Enver Pashahad gone to pay a visit to the tomb ofthe Prophet at Medina caused a feelingof profound depression in Constantinople;but it is now recognised thatthere was no other course open to him,as Mahomet was not in a position tovisit the Pasha.


Sven Hedin is reported to be atConstantinople, on his way to theTurkish Front. It is supposed that hewill undertake the writing of the officialdespatches, a duty to which the innatemodesty of the Osmanli prevents himfrom doing full justice.


A salmon containing a label marked"U 100" was recently caught in theAvon. No trace of the crew has beenfound.


It has been discovered in Germanythat General Hindenberg is descendedfrom Charlemagne, and an attemptby certain admirers of the PrussianGeneral to visit the scenes of hisancestor's exploits has only beenabandoned as the result of an unaccountableopposition on the part ofthe French.


"Bigamy," declares Mr. Justice Low,"is as low a form of crime as drunkenness."On the other hand there is thisto be said for it, that it is seldom found,like drunkenness, to develop into a habit.


A large number of German barbers,it is said, have become naturalizedsince the commencement of the War,and are now engaged in capturing thetrade from the British barbers, manyof whom have been taken for militaryservice. Not for nothing, it seems,did the Kaiser say in one of his famousspeeches, "The razor must be in ourfist."


Mr. Tennant told the House ofCommons last week that the WarOffice had 3,000,000 goat skins. Asthe statement has given rise to a certainuneasiness it should be explained thatall the goats have been safely extracted.


Notwithstanding reports to the contrary,says an official German telegram,the new submarine warfare is in fullswing. It should only be a matter oftime before those responsible for it findthemselves in a similar situation.


A draughtsman of Babylonian andAssyrian antiquities has been dischargedby the British Museum in theinterests of economy. The artist, it isreported, has already had severalattractive offers of employment as aParliamentary cartoonist.


Onions, we are told, have reached theunprecedented price of thirty shillingsa hundredweight, and several of the oldestablished onion bars in the City mayhave to close their doors.


It is useless, Mr. Hughes warns hisEnglish admirers, to defeat Germanyin the field unless

...

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