PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 156.
March 26, 1919.
CHARIVARIA
.
WILLIAM HOHENZOLLERN is reported to be busy sawing trees. Somedeclare that his energy is due to an hallucination that they areGerman generals. Others say the whole story is a clumsy attempt todiscredit him with the Labour party.
Dublin Corporation has decided to increase its revenue by eightthousand pounds by raising the charge on water. Citizens are urgedto put patriotism before prejudice and give the stuff a trial.
The inconveniences that attend influenza reached their climax afew days ago when an occupant of a crowded tube train blew the noseof the man next to him in mistake for his own.
The beggar who has been going about telling a pitiful story ofbeing wounded by a trench-mortar during the Jutland battle is nowregarded by the police as an impostor.
A defendant in a County Court case at Liverpool last week statedin his evidence that he had been on the telephone for the lasttwenty years. In fairness to the Postal authorities he should haveadmitted that it was a trunk call.
Foreman (late R.S.M.). "'ERE! YOU AIN'T IN THE ARMY NOW.THERE'S NO CALL FOR YOU TO KEEP A WATCH ON THE RHINE."
A lady-correspondent, writing to a daily paper, laments the factthat the War has changed a great many husbands. Surely the wife whoreceives the wrong husband can get some sort of redress from theWar Office.
All the main-line railways are to be electrified, Sir ERICGEDDES told the House of Commons. Meanwhile he has successfullyelectrified all the old buffers.
A number of women are doing good work as mates on Medway sailingbarges. The denial of the report that one of them recently lookedat a Wapping policeman for five minutes on end without oncerepeating herself may be ascribed to professional jealousy.
"The small car," says a trade contemporary, "has come to stop."We can well believe it. It is an old habit.
It has been discovered that the new Education Act, whichprohibits boys under twelve being worked for more than two hours onSunday, may apply to choir-boys. A Commission, we understand, is tobe called upon to decide finally whether they are really boys orjust little demons.
A man who applied to the Bloomsbury County Court for reliefagainst an eviction order stated that he could find no othersuitable house, as he had nine children under fourteen years ofage. His residential problem remains unsolved, but we understand,with regard to the other difficulty, that the Board of Works hasoffered to sell him a card index at considerably below cost.
"Bridegrooms," says a contemporary, "are discovering thatweddings cost more." The growing practice among fathers-in-law ofdelivering their daughters "free at rail," instead of, as formerly,"from house to house," may have something to do with it.
"Ramsgate," says The Daily Mail, "is racing Margate inThanet's reconstruction." At present Margate still claims to leadby one nigger and two winkle-barrows.
The Colorado Legislature has passed a resolution in favour ofIrish independence. The remark attribu