PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 158.
March 31, 1920.
CHARIVARIA.
We were glad to see that two of ourmost important Universities were againsuccessful in obtaining first and secondplaces in this year's boat-race. (Asthis was written before the race wecrave the indulgence of our readers ifour prophecy should prove incorrect.)
Bradford Corporation is selling whitecollars to its citizens at sixpence a-piece.How the Labour Party proposes tocombat this subtle form of capitalistpropaganda is not known.
"I have been knocked down twiceby the same bus, but fortunately havesustained no serious injury," stated aplaintiff at a Londonpolice-court the other day.The bus in question, weunderstand, will be givenone more try, and in theevent of failure will be debarredfrom all furthercontests of the same nature.
"Quite a lot of Americanbacon is being smokedin London," says a newsitem. We are glad theyhave found a use for it,but at the risk of appearingfastidious we must saywe much prefer Havannahtobacco.
The Variety Artists'Federation has passed aresolution against the engagementof Germans inthe profession. With yetanother avenue of industryclosed against him General Ludendorffis said to be contemplating adignified retirement.
"Should uglier husbands have heavierdamages?" was a question raised ina recent divorce action. The betteropinion is that the fact that the uglyman must have gone out of his way toget married should tell against him.
Signs of Spring are everywhere. Acouple of telephone mechanics havemade their nest on the roof of a housein West Kensington.
At Question-Time in the House therewas trouble over the pronunciation ofBryngwran and Gwalchmai. One of theWelsh Members present said he couldhave played them if he had had hisharp with him.
Saturday afternoon funerals havebeen stopped at Bexhill. We are verypleased to note this, because if there isone thing which mars the enjoymentof the week-end it is being buried.
The Hon. John Collier will shortlyexplain why he painted the famouspicture, "The Fallen Idol." If onlysome of our minor artists would beequally frank.
A weekly paper is offering a prize toanybody who discovers the oldest livingfish. It is just as well that no prizeis offered for the oldest dead fish.
"Large dumps of valuable materialwhich is slowly rotting are to be metall along the main road in NorthernFrance to-day," complains a morningpaper. A responsible Government officialnow admits that whilst motoringin that district last week he noticedthat the road was bumpy in places.
There is some talk of the Americanshaving a League of Notions of their own.
M. Charles Nordmann states thatthe world will end in ten thousandmillion years. It will be interesting tosee if America will refuse to take partin this as well.
Our horticultural expert informs usthat during the next two or three weeksall wooden houses should be carefullypruned.
The rumour that Mr. Mallaby-Deeley,M.P., will be asked to designa new uniform for the Royal Air Forceis without foundation.
It is feared that, owing to the suddenappearance of Summer weather lastweek, the Poet Laureate will onceagain be obl