PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
VOL. 158.
April 28, 1920.
CHARIVARIA.
General Denikin is now in London. This isthe first visit he has paid to this country since his last assassinationby the Bolshevists.
New proposals regarding telephone charges are expected as soon as theSelect Committee has reported. If the system of charging by time inplace of piece-work is adopted it will mean ruination to manybusiness-men.
The Swiss Government has issued orders that ex-monarchs may enter thecountry without passports. It is required, however, that they shouldtake their places in the queue.
It is reported that a Londonderry man walked up to a Sinn Feiner theother day and said, "Shoot me." We understand that the real reason whythe fellow was not accommodated was that he omitted to say "Please." Thebest Sinn Feiners are very punctilious.
"The drinking of intoxicants," says an American prohibitionist,"causes early death in ninety-five cases out of a hundred." SeveralAmericans, we are informed, have gallantly offered themselves forexperimental purposes.
"It is a scandal," says a contemporary, "that the clerks at Llanellyshould ask for twelve pounds fifteen shillings a week." But surely thereis no harm in asking.
According to a weekly paper not only is ConstanceBinney a famous screen star, but she is also a first-classukelele player. The latest reports are that the news has been receivedquietly.
"If slightly cut before cooking, potatoes slip out of their skinseasily," says a home journal. This is better than frightening them outof their skins by jumping out from behind a door and saying "Boo."
Mr. William Aird, the germ-proof man, hasbeen giving demonstrations in London. It is reported that last week agerm snapped at him and broke off two of its teeth.
"In New York the other day," says a contemporary, "the sky keptstreaming silver sheen; mistlike lights pulsated in rapid flashes to theapex and piled-up stars could be seen." The fact that New York can stillsee things like this must be a sorry blow to the Prohibitionists.
"Working men have been hit very hard by the tyrannical Budget,"announces a morning paper. We too are in sympathy with those miners whoare now faced with only one bottle of champagne a day.
"These cotton boom profits," said the President of the TextileInstitute recently, "are abnormal and unhealthy." The Manchester man,however, who recently came out with innumerable spots resemblinghalf-crowns as the result of the boom, declares that no inconvenience issuffered once the dizziness has passed away.
From Bungay in Suffolk comes the news that a water-wagtail has builtits nest in a milk-can. We resolutely refrain from comment.
A youth recently arrested in Dublin was found not to have a revolveron him. He is being detained for a medical examination.
A great many people are committing suicide, says the Vicar of St.Mathew's, Portsmouth, because they have nothing to live for. Wedisagree. The Weekly Dispatch's accounts of the next world arewell worth staying alive for.
Airships under construction, declaresAir-Commodore E. M. Maitland, will make thepassage to Australia in nine and a-half days. In tax-paying circles itis said that the fashionable thing will be to start now an