Once a Greech
By EVELYN E. SMITH
Illustrated by DILLON
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy Science FictionApril 1957. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that theU.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Just two weeks before the S. S. Herringbone of the InterstellarExploration, Examination (and Exploitation) Service was due to start herreturn journey to Earth, one of her scouts disconcertingly reported thediscovery of intelligent life in the Virago System.
"Thirteen planets," Captain Iversen snarled, wishing there were someoneon whom he could place the blame for this mischance, "and we spend afull year here exploring each one of them with all the resources ofTerrestrial science and technology, and what happens? On the nineteenthmoon of the eleventh planet, intelligent life is discovered. And who hasto discover it? Harkaway, of all people. I thought for sure all themoons were cinders or I would never have sent him out to them just tokeep him from getting in my hair."
"The boy's not a bad boy, sir," the first officer said. "Just a thoughtincompetent, that's all—which is to be expected if the Service willchoose its officers on the basis of written examinations. I'm glad tosee him make good."
Iversen would have been glad to see Harkaway make good, too, only such aconcept seemed utterly beyond the bounds of possibility. From the momentthe young man had first set foot on the S. S. Herringbone, he hadseemed unable to make anything but bad. Even in such a conglomeration offools under Captain Iverson, his idiocy was of outstanding quality.
The captain, however, had not been wholly beyond reproach in thisinstance, as he himself knew. Pity he had made such an error about theeleventh planet's moons. It was really such a small mistake. Moons oneto eighteen and twenty to forty-six still appeared to be cinders. It wasall too easy for the spectroscope to overlook Flimbot, the nineteenth.
But it would be Flimbot which had turned out to be a green and pleasantplanet, very similar to Earth. Or so Harkaway reported on the intercom.
"And the other forty-five aren't really moons at all," he began."They're—"
"You can tell me all that when we reach Flimbot," Iversen interrupted,"which should be in about six hours. Remember, that intercom uses a lotof power and we're tight on fuel."
But it proved to be more than six days later before the ship reachedFlimbot. This was owing to certain mechanical difficulties that arosewhen the crew tried to lift the mother ship from the third planet, onwhich it was based. For sentimental reasons, the IEE(E) always tried toestablish its prime base on the third planet of a system. Anyhow, whenthe Herringbone was on the point of takeoff, it was discovered thatthe rock-eating species which was the only life on the third planet hadeaten all the projecting metal parts on the ship, including therocket-exhaust tubes, the airlock handles and the chromium trim.
"I had been wondering what made the little fellows so sick," Smullyan,the ship's doctor, said. "They went wump, wump, wump all night long,until my heart bled for them. Ah, everywhere it goes, humanity spreadsthe fell seeds of death and destruction—"
"Are you a doctor or a veterinarian?" Iversen demanded furiously. "ByBetelgeuse, you act as if I'd crammed those blasted tubes down theirstinking little throats!"
"It