Extracts From Adam’s Diary

Translated from the original MS.

by Mark Twain

[NOTE.—I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and a friendof mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but the public never gotthem. Since then I have deciphered some more of Adam’s hieroglyphics, andthink he has now become sufficiently important as a public character to justifythis publication.—M. T.]

Monday

This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is alwayshanging around and following me about. I don’t like this; I am not usedto company. I wish it would stay with the other animals. Cloudy to-day, wind inthe east; think we shall have rain…. Where did I get that word?… I remembernow—the new creature uses it.

Tuesday

Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the estate, Ithink. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls—why, I am sure I do notknow. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That is not a reason; it is merewaywardness and imbecility. I get no chance to name anything myself. The newcreature names everything that comes along, before I can get in a protest. Andalways that same pretext is offered—it looks like the thing. There is thedodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it one sees at a glance thatit “looks like a dodo.” It will have to keep that name, no doubt.It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks nomore like a dodo than I do.

Wednesday

Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to myself in peace.The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it out it shed water out of theholes it looks with, and wiped it away with the back of its paws, and made anoise such as some of the other animals make when they are in distress. I wishit would not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a cheap fling at thepoor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so. I have never heard the humanvoice before, and any new and strange sound intruding itself here upon thesolemn hush of these dreaming solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note.And this new sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at myear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to sounds thatare more or less distant from me.

Friday

The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a very goodname for the estate, and it was musical and pretty —GARDEN-OF-EDEN.Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any longer publicly. The newcreature says it is all woods and rocks and scenery, and therefore has noresemblance to a garden. Says it looks like a park, and does not look likeanything but a park. Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named—NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me.And already there is a sign up:

KEEP OFF THE GRASS

My life is not as happy as it was.

Saturday

The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, most likely.“We” again—that is its word; mine too, now, from hearing itso much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself. Thenew creature does. It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in with itsmuddy feet. And talks. It used to be so pleasant

...