PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Volume 108, April 20, 1895
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
IMPROVING THE SHINING HOUR.
The New Governess. "What are the Comparative and Superlativeof Bad, Berty?"
Berty (the Doctor's son). "Bad—Worse—Dead!"
A CHINO-JAPANESE CALENDAR.
(For the next Ten Years.)
- 1895. Treaty of peace signed between China and Japan, on thebasis of the opening up of Chinese territory and introduction ofmachinery into the Celestial Empire. The Japanese prophesy thatthe compact will ultimately prove to be for the benefit of the Chinese.
- 1896. Japan floods China with home-made merchants, who obtainan enormous trade.
- 1897. England, America and France follow suit, and, after apause, the remainder of the civilized world adopt the prevailingfashion.
- 1898. Japanese China becomes over-populated, thanks to theforeign invasion, and there is much discontent amongst the originalinhabitants.
- 1899. The foreigners, having secured all the possible trade thatcould be obtained, commence the erection of manufactories.
- 1900. Japanese China challenges Birmingham, Glasgow, Lyons,and Marseilles on their own ground, and holds its own. It claims tobe one of the most productive places on the face of the universe.
- 1901. The introduction of machinery having thrown the teemingmillions of Japanese China out of work, there is great discontentamongst them.
- 1902. An enterprising citizen of the United States of Americaprojects an emigration scheme for supplying the outer world with thesuperfluous population of Japanese China.
- 1903. The scheme of the citizen of the U. S. A. proves a greatsuccess, and sixty millions of Chino-Japanese are conveyed to thetwo worlds, the old and the new.
- 1904. The original inhabitants of Europe and America, undersoldby the Chino-Japanese, are ousted from their positions and left withoutwork. Consequently, great prosperity of the Chino-Japanese.
- 1905. Fulfilment of the prophecy, that the treaty of peace betweenChina and Japan signed in 1895 was "really for the benefit of theChinese."
WON'T WASH!
Or, The British Laundress's Lament.
[There is talk of a company for taking our laundry-work over to Holland,washing it there, and returning it to the owners at a less cost than it can bedone for at home.]
In matters of laundry the fault of them Dutch,
Is charging too little, and grabbing too much!
They'd collar our collars, cut off with our shirts!
The heart of a true washerwoman it hurts
To think of Frows taking our time-honoured tub.
What, travel to Holland to get rub and scrub,
While soap and strong arms may in Britain be found?
It's worse than them Stores! Furrineers may be found
To do dirty work on the cheap, I've no doubt;
But can old John Bull know just what he's about
In sending our work from his shores in this way?
I'm sure it won't wash, an