PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Volume 104, April 8th 1893
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
SPORTING ANSWERS.
ANGLING.
Fleacatcher.—Yes, the trout in the riverItching (this is the only correct spelling)are red, and, before they are boiled, raw.The best method of catching them is to ticklethem. When you have hooked an Itchingtrout, you first scratch him, and then cookhim.
Novice.—We only knew one man who couldmake a decent rod, and hedied twenty years ago.Remember the old adageso dear to Izaak, Qui parcitvirgæ spoliat puerum. Forinstructions as to use ofimplement, and translationof Latin, apply to anyhead-master. Failure inthe latter will inevitablylead to application of theformer. Then pause forreflection, but don't sitdown.
Spook.—What on earthis the use of applying tous about a phantom? Wenever keep one on thepremises. Try personalinterview with W. T.Stead, who has a fineselection, Julia beingspecially effective. Whydo you ask if we generallyspin? Not having beenborn a top, we prefer walking.
Contemplative.—(1) It'sabsolutely useless offeringus these paltry inducementsto betray the secretsof our skill. We are—wehope we may say it withoutundue pride—an All-RoundAngler, and we arenot going to be squared bya bait of that kind. (2)We have never pretendedwe were a salmon. IfAndrew Lang says wehave, we challenge him torepeat it to our face beforewitnesses. (3) Whitebaitare no longer kept in theRound Pond at Kensington.We knew as many as fourthere ten years ago.
Calipee.—You are quiteright. When a ship turnsturtle the fact is instantlycommunicated to the LordMayor and Aldermen ofthe City of London. Theyproceed to the spot in theMaria Wood, and the onewho secures the interesting saurian is allowedto eat all the green fat. With you we hopedevoutly that the time is far distant whenthe desecrating hand of a Socialistic Governmentwill be allowed to lay a finger on theseancient civic customs. No. The Fishmongers'Company do not sell fish. Their motto is,Edo, non vendo.
Acton Est.—The Cornhill Magazine forthis month has an interesting article on"Actors and Actresses in WestminsterAbbey," not seen there much when alive,but there for good after their decease. Itis stated of Mrs. Barry that she was notinterred in the Abbey, as has been, it appears,generally supposed, but found her resting-placeat Acton. Odd, that when she hadceased to act, she should be sent to Act-on!
"TAKE CARE OF THE PENCE, AND THE POUNDS," &c.
Muriel. "Mamma, what have you got the Carriage out for so late?Where are you going?"
Mrs. Goldie. "Now, Muriel, you know how your Father keeps worryingabout Extravagance, and of course I must set an Example. So I'm goingto the Public Library to see the Evening Paper!"