and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 156.
April 30, 1919.
CHARIVARIA.
An alarming rumour is going the rounds to the effect thatPrinting House Square refuses to accept any responsibility for thefindings of the Peace Conference.
"Mystery," says a news item, "surrounds the purchase of fiftyretail fish shops in and about London." The Athenaeum Club is fullof the wildest rumours.
The statement of the Allied Food Commission, that there are moresheep in Germany to-day than in 1914, has come as a surprise tothose who imagined that the loud bleating noise was chiefly HerrSCHEIDEMANN.
"Get your muzzle now!" says The Daily Mail. It is felt,however, that the PRIME MINISTER scored a distinct hit by saying itfirst.
"There is absolutely no reason," says a Health Culture writer,"why Members of Parliament should not live to be one hundred." Wethink we could find a reason if we were pressed.
To-morrow a man in the North of England is to celebrate hishundredth birthday. He will be the youngest centenarian in thecountry.
At Ealing it appears that a rabid dog dashed into a porkbutcher's shop and snapped at a sausage. The sausage wasimmediately shot.
The War Office, says a contemporary, is to have another storeybuilt. In order that the work shall not cause any sleepless days itis to be undertaken by night.
It is reported that a burglar who has been drawing unemploymentpay has decided to return to work.
The New Zealand Government has decided to check the introductionof influenza, and every passenger arriving there is to be examined.All germs not declared are liable to be confiscated by theCustoms.
Nearly all the Bank Holiday visitors to Hampstead Heath, it isstated, chose a silver-mounted bridge-marker in preference tonuts.
Two days before his wedding a man at Uxbridge was summoned toWales by his wife for desertion. It is said that his second weddingwent off quietly.
It is understood that the Home Office does not propose tore-arrest DE VALERA. The official view is that in future the Irishmust provide their own entertainment.
We hear that all imprisoned Sinn Feiners have been instructed togive a day's notice in future before escaping, so that nobody shalldo it out of his proper turn.
Citizens of Clarkson, Washington, U.S.A., have appealed to theGovernment to protect them against a plague of frogs. The Federalauthorities have informed the Press that these insidious attemptsto distract the Government from its Prohibition programme must notbe taken seriously.
From an American newspaper we gather that a New York plutocrathas by his will cut his wife off with twelve million dollars.
"Is the Kaiser Highly Strung?" asks a weekly paper headline. Weshall be able to answer this question a little later.
The report that an early bather was seen executing theJazz-dance on the beach at Ventnor on Easter Monday seems to havesome foundation. It appears that his partner was a large crab withwell-developed claws.
We hear that visitors at a well-known London hotel, who havepatiently bo