PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 159.
December 1st, 1920.
CHARIVARIA.
According to The Evening News,lambs have already put in an appearancein Dorset. People who expectthe Poet Laureate to rush to thespot will be bitterly disappointed.
"What was a golden eagle doing inLincolnshire?" asks "L.G.M." in TheDaily Mail. We never answer thesepersonal questions.
The Public Libraries Committee ofWest Ham has declined to purchaseThe Autobiography of Margot Asquith.It would just serve them right if thepublisher sent them a copy.
Sir R. Baden-Powellrecently declared thatmen contemplatingmatrimony would dowell to notice whethertheir prospective bridesgave an inside or anoutside tread. We stillmaintain that the safestcourse is to remain singleand not be troddenon either way.
The report that aBritish soldier has recentlydiscovered a genuinespecimen of asmall war, in which Mr.Winston Churchillhad no hand whatever,is now regarded as untrustworthy.
A Scotsman knockeddown by a car in NewYork was given a glassof water and quicklyregained consciousness. He is nowmaking inquiries concerning the numberof times one has to be knockeddown in order to get a drop of spirit.
Sea-gulls have been observed near theWillesden public parks. It is assumedthat they didn't know it was Willesden.
A clothing firm advertises suits to fitany figure. It is not known whateventually happened to the man whoasked them to supply him with a suitfor a figure round about thirty shillings.
An express train recently crashedthrough the closed gates of a level-crossingin Yorkshire. As the driverdid not pull up in order to see whatdamage he had done, it is supposedthat he was originally a motorist.
Another walk from London to Brightonis being organised. It is hoped thatthis habit will ultimately bring downthe high cost of travelling.
The Hammersmith Council, says anews item, has placed an order for tilesin Belgium. Another shrewd strokeat the Sandringham hat.
"Trade combinations," declares SirRobert Horne, "are not responsiblefor the increased cost of living." Weagree. The struggle for our last shillingbetween the dogged-as-does-itbutcher and the grocer who never knowswhen he is beaten is à outrance.
Next year is Census year, and peopleare kindly requested to be born earlyin order to avoid the rush at the lastmoment.
A new bathing-suit invented by anofficial of the Royal Army ClothingDepartment is claimed to make drowningimpossible. It is said to fill a long-feltwant among young kittens.
Should this bathing-suit fail to saveany person from drowning he can callat the office and have his money back.
We are asked to deny the rumoursaid to be current in Manchester to theeffect that the Prime Minister wascontemplating publishing a Northernedition of his New World.
"To be happy, marry a brown-eyedgirl," says The Daily Graphic. A correspondentwrites to say that he invariablydoes.
"My lodger," said a complainant atClerkenwell Police Court, "threatensto tear me up into pieces." It waspointed out to him that this would bea breach o