NEW YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
COPYRIGHT, 1926, 1927,
BY P. G. WODEHOUSE
THE SMALL BACHELOR
—Q—
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
1
The roof of the Sheridan Apartment House, near Washington Square, NewYork. Let us examine it. There will be stirring happenings on this roofin due season, and it is well to know the ground.
The Sheridan stands in the heart of New York's Bohemian and artisticquarter. If you threw a brick from any of its windows, you wouldbe certain to brain some rising interior decorator, some Vorticistsculptor or a writer of revolutionary vers libre. And a verygood thing, too. Its roof, cosy, compact and ten storeys above thestreet, is flat, paved with tiles and surrounded by a low wall,jutting up at one end of which is an iron structure—the fire-escape.Climbing down this, should the emergency occur, you would find yourselfin the open-air premises of the Purple Chicken restaurant—one ofthose numerous oases in this great city where, in spite of the law ofProhibition, you can still, so the cognoscenti whisper, "alwaysget it if they know you." A useful thing to remember.
On the other side of the roof, opposite the fire-escape, stands whatis technically known as a "small bachelor apartment, penthouse style."It is a white-walled, red-tiled bungalow, and the small bachelor whoowns it is a very estimable young man named George Finch, originallyfrom East Gilead, Idaho, but now, owing to a substantial legacy from anuncle, a unit of New York's Latin Quarter. For George, no longer beingobliged to earn a living, has given his suppressed desires play bycoming to the metropolis and trying his hand at painting. From boyhoodup he had always wanted to be an artist; and now he is an artist; and,what is more, probably the worst artist who ever put brush to canvas.
For the rest, that large round thing that looks like a captiveballoon is the water-tank. That small oblong thing that looks like asummer-house is George Finch's outdoor sleeping-porch. Those thingsthat look like potted shrubs are potted shrubs. That stoutish mansweeping with a broom is George's valet, cook, and man-of-all-work,Mullett.
And this imposing figure with the square chin and the horn-rimmedspectacles which, as he comes out from the door leading to the stairs,flash like jewels in the sun, is no less a person than J. HamiltonBeamish, author of the famous Beamish Booklets ("Read Them and Makethe World Your Oyster") which have done so much to teach the populaceof the United States observation, perception, judgment, initiative,will-power, decision, business acumen, resourcefulness, organisation,directive ability, self-confidence, driving-power, originality—and, infact, practically everything else from Poultry-Farming to Poetry.
The first emotion which any student of the Booklets would have felt onseeing his mentor in the flesh—apart from that natural awe which fallsupon us when we behold the great—would probably have been surprise atfinding him so young. Hamilton Beamish was still in the early thirties.But the brain of Genius ripens quickly: and those who had the privilegeof acquaintance with Mr. Beamish at the beginning of his career saythat he knew everything there was to be known—or behaved as if hedid—at the age of ten.
Hamilton Beamish's first act on reaching the roof of the Sheridanwas to draw several deep breaths—through the nose, of course. Then,adjusting his glasses, he cast a flashing glance at Mullett: and,having