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THE IDIOT
BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
AUTHOR OF "COFFEE AND REPARTEE" "THE WATER GHOST, AND OTHERS" "THREEWEEKS IN POLITICS" ETC.
ILLUSTRATED
NEW YORK
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
1895
Copyright, 1895, by Harper & Brothers
All rights reserved.
TO WILLIAM K. OTIS
CONTENTS
I
II
III
IV
V
VI
VII
VIII
IX
X
XI
XII
BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
ILLUSTRATIONS
"THE NUISANCE OF HAVING TO PAY"
"SHE COULD NOT POSSIBLY GET ABOARD AGAIN"
"CERTAINLY. I ASKED FOR ANOTHER CUP"
"THEY ARE GIVEN TO REHEARSING AT ALL HOURS"
"HAS YOUR FRIEND COMPLETED HIS ARTICLE ON OLD JOKES?"
"YOU FISH ALL DAY, AND HAVE NO LUCK"
HE COULD BE HEARD THROWING THINGS ABOUT
"SUPERINTENDENT SMITHERS HAS NOT ABSCONDED"
THE INSPIRED BOARDER PAID HIS BILL
"I KNOW YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE IT ISN'T THERE"
"YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF HEARD IN SAN FRANCISCO"
"I GRASPED IT IN MY TWO HANDS"
"PIANO-PLAYING ISN'T ALWAYS MUSIC"
"THE MOON ITSELF WILL BE USED"
"THE BIBLIOMANIAC WOULD BE RAISING BULBS"
"DIDN'T KNOW ENOUGH TO CHOOSE HIS OWN FACE"
"MY ELOQUENCE FLOATED UP THE AIR-SHAFT"
THE IDIOT
I
For some weeks after the happy event which transformed the popular Mrs.Smithers into the charming Mrs. John Pedagog all went well at that lady'sselect home for single gentlemen. It was only proper that during thehoney-moon, at least, of the happy couple hostilit