265
Punch, Or the London Charivari
Volume 107, December 8th, 1894
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
A TRIUMPH OF THE SCHOOL BOARD.
The collector of statistics was fairly posed by the attitude assumed byhis visitor. The elderly lad (or, rather, very young man) had claimedadmittance on the score that he was an "old boy" of the School Board. Hewished to give his evidence anent the fate of the State-educatedjuvenile population.
"And you say you are not one of the 547 clerks?" queried the collector.
"No Sir, I am not. I would rather beg my bread from door to door thanoccupy a lofty stool from dawn to sundown."
"And you are not one of the 413 milkboys?"
"Again, no. It has been a tradition in our family for centuries to avoidwater, so how could I dabble in the milk trade?"
"And you are neither an actor, a jockey, nor a hairdresser?"
"I am not," was again the reply, couched in a tone of hauteur.
"And you are not a soldier—one of the ten that left the SchoolBoard for the more or less tented field?"
"I am not—nor a sailor."
Then the collector of statistics paused for a moment, and spoke with ameasure of hesitation.
"You have not gone to the bad?"
"Like my 333 schoolfellows?"
"Yes."
Then the red blood of the visitor mounted to the roots of his hair andsuffused his cheeks with crimson. He indignantly denied the imputation.He might be poor, but at any rate he was honest. "No, he had never beenin prison."
"Then what are you?" asked the collector, in a tone not entirely freefrom traces of annoyance. "Surely you must be something!"
"I am more than something!" returned the visitor, proudly. "I amunique—I am a curiosity."
"What may you be?"
"I am a boy, educated by the School Board, who is satisfied to follow inthe footsteps of his father. My father was a bricklayer, and I amsatisfied to lay bricks myself."
"My dear Sir," said the collector, grasping him cordially by the hand,"I congratulate you. This is the first time I have met a boy who hasbeen satisfied to adopt the trade followed by his parent. And now youcan do me a small favour." And then the collector engaged his guest torenovate the walls of his house, which (on account of the scarcity oftrained labour) had for many years been sadly out of repair.
GOING TO EXTREMES.
He of the Ruffled Temper. "As sure's ma name's TammasPaterson, I'll hae the law o' ye, though it should cost meHauf-a-Croon!"
More Memories by Dean Hole.—We are gradually getting at the Hole Truth.Not a deep Hole, but a good all-round Hole, and, as a whole, eminentlyreadable when you have a half Holeyday to spare.
Suggestion.—The Egyptian Hall is advertised as "The Home of Mystery."Mightn't the Lyceum be entitled, for advertisement purposes, as "TheHome of Miss Terry?"
THE CHRONICLES OF A RURAL PARISH.
V.—The Parish Meeting.
The Parish Meeting—long looked for, eagerly expected, a