PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 150
JUNE 21, 1916
CHARIVARIA.
An "Iron Scheer" is to be erectedat Cuxhaven in honour of the "victor"of the Battle of Horn Reef. It isthought, however, that lead would bemore appropriate than iron for theoccasion. It runs more easily underfire.
"I want," said Mr. Roosevelt, atOyster Bay, "to tell you newspapermen that it is useless to come to seeme. I have nothing to say." As howeversome of them had come quite along way to see him, he might at leasthave made a noise like a Bull Moose.
Asked as to the nature of his disability,an appellant informedone of the LondonTribunals that he was amember of the V.T.C. Thisstudied insult to a fine bodyof men was, we are happyto say, repudiated by theTribunal, which advised theapplicant to try to join a"crack" regiment.
No civilians being availablefor the work, fifty menof the Royal Scots regimentlaid half-a-mile of watermain at Coggeshall Abbeyin record time. This incidentshould finally disposeof a popular superstitionthat among the Scotchwater is only a secondaryconsideration.
The Water Board hasspent £70 in renovatingsome Chippendale chairsbelonging to the New River Company.The poor shareholders are quite helplessin the matter.
On an acre of ground, a man told theFarnham Tribunal, he kept 9 sows,34 pigs and 1 horse, and grew a quarter-of-an-acreof mangolds and a quarter-of-an-acreof potatoes. Asked where hekept himself the man is understood tohave reluctantly named an exclusivehotel in the West End.
"The extra hour of daylight is turningevery City man into a gardener,"says The Daily Mail. This must bea source of great concern to our contemporary,according to which, if weread aright, the majority of our publicmen do their work like gardeners.
"A wave of temperance might comeby sending drunkards to prison fora second offence," said Mr. Mead atthe West London Court. This remarkwill cause consternation in those selectcircles in which a second offence isusually an indication of a discriminatingdilettantism.
"Mr. Hughes," says The Daily Mail,"goes to the Paris Conference with theBritish ideals in his pocket." Personally,we have an idea that things of this sortought to be left in the Cabinet.
"This war," says The Fishing Gazette,"is going to provide protection to fishfrom the trawlers in all places whereships sink on trawling-grounds." That,however, is not the real issue, and wecannot too strongly deprecate such anunscrupulous attempt on the part ofour contemporary to draw a red herringacross the trail.
PUNCTUALITY.
Sergeant. "Fall in agin at 'leven o'clock. An' when I say,'Fall in at 'leven o'clock,' I mean fall in at 'leven. Sofall in at 'alf-past ten!"
According to a New York cable,President Wilson last week headeda procession in favour of militarypreparedness as an ordinary citizenin a straw hat, blue coat, cream pants,and carrying an American flag on hi