PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 159.
July 21, 1920.
CHARIVARIA.
[pg 41]To judge by the Spa Conference it looks as if we might be going to havea peace to end peace.
It will soon be necessary for the Government to arrange an old-agepension scheme for Peace Conference delegates.
It is difficult to know whom or what to blame for the exceptionally wetweather we have been having, says an evening paper. Pending a denialfrom Mr. Lloyd George, The Times has its own opinion as towho is at the bottom of it.
Mr. Stanton pointed out in the House of Commons that, unlessincreased salaries are given to Members, there will be a strike. Fearsare entertained, however, that a settlement will be reached.
"The Derry shirt-cutters," says a news item, "have decided to continueto strike." The Derry throat-cutters, on the other hand, have postponedstriking to a more favourable opportunity.
The way to bring down the price of home-killed meat, the Ministry ofFood announces officially, is for the public not to buy it. You can'thave your cheap food and eat it.
Harborough Rocks, one of the few Druid Circles in the kingdom, has beensold. Heading-for-the-Rocks, the famous Druid Circle at Westminster, hasalso been sold on several occasions by the Chief Wizard.
A gossip writer states that he saw a man carrying two artificial legswhile travelling in a Tube train. There is nothing like being preparedfor all emergencies while travelling.
"The ex-Kaiser," says an American journal, "makes his own clothes topass the time away." This is better than his old hobby of making wars topass other people's time away.
"Danger of infection from Treasury notes," says The Weekly Dispatch,"has been exaggerated." Whenever we see a germ on one of our notes wepat it on the back and tell it to lie down.
A West Riding paper states that a postman picked up a pound Treasurynote last week. It is said that he intends to have it valued by anexpert.
An engineer suggests that all roads might be made of rubber. Forpedestrians who are knocked down by motor-cars the resilience of thismaterial would be a great boon.
According to The Evening News a bishop was seen the other day passingthe House of Commons smoking a briar pipe. We can only suppose that hedid not recognise the House of Commons.
"We can find work for everybody and everything," says a Chicago journal.But what about corkscrews?
How strong is the force of habit was illustrated at Liverpool Docks theother day when two Americans, on reaching our shores, immediatelyfainted, and only recovered when it was explained that spirits were notsold here solely for medical purposes.
"Watches are often affected by electrical storms such as we haveexperienced of late," states a science journal. Only yesterday we heardof a plumber and his mate who arrived at a job simultaneously.
We sympathise with the unfortunate housewife who cannot obtain a servantbecause her reference is considered unsatisfactory. It appears she wasonly six weeks with her last maid.
A pedestrian knocked down by a taxi in Oxford Street last Tuesdaymanaged to regain his feet only to be again bowled over by a motor-bus.Luckily, however, noticing a third vehicle standing by to complete thejob, the unf